Monthly Archives: December 2013

ONE DAY ONLY – Download Some Wisdom

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20130625-Tovarysh-cover medium size

Dear readers, I’m excited to share the news that tomorrow, 12/12/13, for one day only, the e-book One With All of Thee: Growing Your Sacred Connection, will be available as a FREE download on Amazon. I wrote the introduction for this very special collection of writings by Celine Koropchak. The book was edited by Lillian Ann Slugocki and myself. The cover art was designed by Jennifer Dopazo.

I’m very proud of this book, and I hope you’ll check it out. Let me know what you think!

Deborah

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Selfie

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selfie

Here’s the picture. There’s a woman. She is reinventing herself as we speak. She is figuring out who she is and what she wants. She has realized that doing what other people want her to do, or trying to please them, is not really going to get her where she needs to go. There is a little glint in her eye, as she has decided to dare to make her own way. She’s narrowing her focus, streamlining her daily activities. She is taking control of her destiny.

She’s making some difficult choices, and people may feel hurt. She never wants to hurt anyone. But you know what? You can’t please everyone. Sometimes, people won’t be happy with your decisions, and you can’t necessarily prevent that from happening. You can be as tender and sensitive and caring in your communications as possible but a) that may not make a difference if you aren’t giving others what they want – they may be pissed, disappointed, or hurt just the same, b) you may think you are communicating one thing, but you may be sending other messages alongside the ones you intend without even realizing it (yikes) and c) sometimes life is just hard.

I’ve seen people reveal some really personal things on Facebook and other places online – stuff about disintegrating marriages and other relationships, devastating news about illness and death, and sometimes, just a harrowing look at their own messy emotional journey as they publicly fall apart or otherwise splatter. It’s a reality of our time that we now have successfully dissolved the boundaries between personal and public.

I’ve traversed these boundaries numerous times over the last few years, trying to find my comfort and safety zone in the wacky world of extended family fellowship, public creative platforms, marketplace of social commentary and the readily available space to practice being funny, daring, snarky, incendiary, boastful, benevolent, informative, kind, or just plain mischievous. I am sure we’ve all been guilty, at one time or another, of the dreaded overshare, of being the one who posted something that made someone else think eeew. It happens. We are a messy bunch, and the rules out here are fairly amorphous.

So, the trial and error of comporting ourselves with dignity or being entertaining brings up a whole lot of stuff. I can’t say that my life is necessarily better or worse now that I have an active social media footprint. Yeah, I’ve engaged with a lot of people all over the world, and for that I am so grateful. It makes me excited to see where things will go with some of these relationships. I’ve also learned how to use a lot of these tools to their best advantage, and yeah, shameless plug, I know how to work them on behalf of clients who pay me for my services.

And, there are those moments when I feel utterly exposed and vulnerable. I wonder about the public image I’m creating for myself and whether people think I’m naïve, gullible, annoying, inappropriate, talentless or completely self-involved… until I remember, with great relief, that you’re all pretty busy worrying about yourselves, and not really giving me that much thought, thank goodness!

That woman in the picture – she is keeping more to herself than you can imagine. Because sometimes it’s more important to save some things for your private world.

Random After Thanksgiving Thoughts

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mr t and nancy reagan

In no particular order whatsoever.

Stewed prunes. Just because.

No Black Friday shopping. Ever.

I feel an urge to send letters to friends, but not to report every single thing that happened this past year. I’m pretty sure they don’t care. I don’t even care. I’m talking about handwritten notes that just connect us in a way that email or Facebook cannot. Share some feelings, a few stories, some good thoughts about one another – that sort of thing… and if I can’t muster the paper and pen and stamp thing, then at least a private FB message, or a personal email. It doesn’t have to be a public display. I will probably make a bunch of phone calls, too…

I can’t wait until after December 20th, so I can know that the shortest day of the year is behind us. That thought will help get me through January and February.

Around this time of year, the sadness seems sadder, the desperation seems more desperate, and the pressure to feel happy feels abnormally explosive. I really want to just cook a few nice meals and write some stories. Is that so much to ask?

I ate way too much on Thursday. Friday morning I didn’t feel well. End of story.

I saw many people jogging around my neighborhood this morning. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

When we think about tragedies around the world (or in our own backyards – there was a deadly train crash in my neighborhood this weekend…), somehow they seem more tragic at this time of year. Or at least, that’s the perception. Many of our senses are heightened right now, because there is this sort of pressure to be grateful and observant and mindful of how we want our lives to be better (those new year’s resolutions will be upon us before you know it). How would it be if we just pretended that each day was as important as the rest? How about we be as mindful of the suffering of others throughout the year as we are now? Of course, we have to focus on the good things in life, but we can also do our part to share our love and bounty with others whenever we can.

Have a look around. Someone, maybe more than a few people in your life are really having a hard time right now. Take a few moments to check in on friends. It will make you feel better, too…

I just heard a flock of geese flying overhead. It reminds me about all the animals in the world, continuing on in formation, despite the interference by humans in their lives. It’s amazing that we all get to share this planet. I’d like to be more mindful of that…

I’m pretty sure Santa is on a budget this year. Time to start extolling the virtues of homemade gifts.

I can’t help it. I LIKE having Chinese food on Christmas Eve.

Happiness is present in the smallest moments that sometimes get strung together like jeweled necklaces. I love how shiny happiness is. It’s always with me.